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The Bachelor Diet
Monday
- Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some
toothpaste while brushing your teeth
- Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little
hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also
order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the
way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
- Afternoon Snack - Drink the maalox
- Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece
Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.
Tuesday
- Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw
- Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five
cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes
out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
- Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.
Wednesday
- Breakfast - Jaws couldn't eat Breakfast after a night at El Flasho's
- Lunch - Rolaids and a coke
- Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps
Thursday
- Breakfast - Order out for pizza
- Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber
sack for leftovers.
- Dinner - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get
hungry ask the bartender for olives.
Friday
- Breakfast - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds.
Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's
better for you.
- Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder
- Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't
eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.
Saturday
- Breakfast - Sleep through it.
- Lunch - Ditto
- Dinner - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts.
Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a
hanging basket.
Sunday
- Breakfast - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
- Lunch - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.
- Dinner - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her
about renting your old room.
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Barking Spider
