My Car Speaks For Itself

   Does your car make a statement? Probably so. Here's a list of cars and the statements they make on their drivers' behalf.

Acura Integra

I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legendary

I'm too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX

I am impotent.

AMC Gremlin

I could only afford three-fourths of a Hornet.

AMC Marlin

My father wouldn' t buy me a Camaro.

Audi 90

I enjoy putting out engine fires

Audi 80

I thought the 4000s was too fast.

Austin-Healey 3000

I can put raw meat on the transmission hump and have a well done steak by the time I arrive anywhere.

Buick Park Avenue

I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Buick Riviera Convertible

I'm not very smart, and I look like it too.

Buick Electra

Hey, it's 30-year old technology. But it's GOOD 30-year old technology.

Buick Reatta

I like ugly, impractical, boring cars.

Cadillac Cimarron

I am stupid enough to pay extra money for an uglified Chevrolet.

Cadillac Eldorado

I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville

I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro

I enjoy beating up people.

Chevrolet Chevette

I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette

I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino

I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler 5th Ave

Did the pushpins come free with the headliner?

Chrysler Cordoba

I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z

I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Charger

Reliable is boring. My car is exciting.

Dodge Dart

I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona

I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Fairmont

(See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang

I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria

I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm

I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker

I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol

I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic

I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord

I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45

I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse

I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6

I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Jeep Wrangler

I am fiercely independent, just like all my friends with Jeeps.

Kia Sephia

I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu.

Lotus Esprit

Ever pay $2000 for a tune up? I do.

Lincoln Town Car

I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercedes 500SL

I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mazda Miata

I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.

MGB

I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante

I don't know what it means either.

Mitsubishi Eclipse GST

Why accelerate? Because you can!

Nissan 300ZX

I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass

I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.

Peugeot 505 Diesel

I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Fury

I like driving an air-conditioned sofa that can carry your car in my trunk as a spare.

Plymouth Neon

I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM

I have a switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 944

I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Renault 2CV

I think your car is ugly too.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow

I think Pat Buchanan is a tad too liberal.

Subaru Legacy

I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.

Triumph TR6

I am an amateur mechanic who enjoys a challenge.

Toyota Camry

I am still in the closet.

Volkswagon Beetle

I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagon Cabriolet

I am out of the closet.

VW Rabbit GTi

My mom won't let me buy a Porsche 'til I finish Algebra.

VW Jetta

I stopped smoking pot when I got a real job after college. I swear.

Volkswagon Microbus

I am tripping right now.

Volvo 740 Wagon

I am frightened of my wife.

Volvo 240

Other drivers are unsafe. Let me go ahead and pull out in front of this guy to slow him down.