Redneck Computer Dictionary

This here is the Redneck Guide to Computer Lingo.

Log on

Makin the woodstove hotter

Log off

Don't add no more wood

Monitor

Keepin an eye on that there woodstove

Download

Gettin the farwood ofn the truk

Megahertz

When yer not keerful gettin that farwood downloaded

Floppy disk

Wharcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood

RAM

That thar thang whut splits th farwood

ROM

Whut tastes grait when ya mix it with Coca-cola

Hard drive

Tryin to climb a steep hill in th winter taim

Prompt

Whut th mail ain't in th winter taim

Windows

Whut to shut when its cold outside

Screen

Whut to shut when its blak fly season

Bit

A wager, as in "I bit you cain't spit that watermelon seed across th porch longways"

Byte

Whut them dang flys do

Chip

Munchies fer th TV

Microchip

Whuts left in th munchie bag

Cursor

Wharcha do when yer mad at yer sister

Infrared

Whur th left over munchies go, Fred eats em

Modem

Wharcha did to the hay fields

Dot matrix

Ol Dan Matrix's wife

Laptop

Whur th kitty sleeps

Keyboard

Whur ya hang th dang keys

Hardware

Sunday clothes

Software

Them dang plastik forks and knifs

Mouse

Whut eats th grain in th barn

Mainframe

Holds up th barn ruf

Port

Fancy Flatlander Wine

Enter

Northern fer c'mon in y'all

Random access memory

When ya caint member whut ya paid for yer new rifle when yore wife asks.

Network

How ya git the fish in th boat after ya hook it

LAN

To borrow, as in "Hey Delbert, LAN me yore truck!"

Packet

Wharcha do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag afore a trip

Reboot

Wharcha do when yer first pair a boots gits all muddy